The Importance Of Being Valued And Appreciated.

Ever since I started working in 2012, I have always felt that I was inadequate, or there's something missing about me that I can't seem to be just like everyone else. I used to tell myself that maybe, it's because that was just my first job, or that I was a little sheltered almost all my life that I just don't have the 'determination' as the people around me have as an excuse for feeling different and weak.

My first job was as a Customer service and Sales representative in a BPO company somewhere in Libis, Quezon City. It was my first job, I was a newbie yet I was swamped with five tasks  and I just felt lost. My workmates are a little over the top competitive that they started to badmouth each other or just saw each other as enemies. It made me realize that I hate workplace politics. Added the fact that I was a little paranoid about some people in the squad not liking me. I don't know if it's just me but my guts tell me that. I became paranoid, and sad and I feel like I was always tired. 

So I quit. 

I went AWOL. I wasn't proud of that but I felt like I wasn't made for that environment. And I am a little confident about quitting because our father was still alive at that time and my parents actually just encourage me to work for myself. Not that I shouldn't help with the bills but they wanted me to be more experienced rather than the salary I was making. 

After a few months of quitting, I read the blog posts I have written while still working and I was surprised to realize that I was using phrases such as 'I wish I can just sleep for a month or not to wake up at all' or 'I want to go somewhere far and not go back' and I felt a shiver down my spine. I didn't realize that I was feeling this intense while working at that time.

I became unemployed for the next three years.

But in between that time was when I received an offer to be a published writer. Unfortunately, my father already left us when it happened almost a year after I quit my job.

For two years, I enjoyed the 'writing' career that I had. My stories are consistently being published and I have been busy with doing things I want to do, I was busy living the life that I thought would be sustainable to me.

Until everything just felt apart. I realized that this path isn't as easy as I saw them.

I slowly felt that I was being undervalued, being discarded. I was treated like trash, and it didn't just hurt me as a writer but also me as a human. I almost lost faith. My confidence in 'working' in the creative industry became a little shaky. I felt like I wasn't made for this. The people who are supposed to be 'professionals' in the field turned out to be trashier, and they don't want others to know that. I became the bad one.

So I decided to try working traditionally again. I applied on another BPO company. There's no problem in applying, I am confident that I can always be accepted. But my will in working again on a traditional way with office hours and commuting is what I was actually worried about.

It was all okay at first. Until I slowly felt that I was being left alone again. There was a time that they went out and nobody even bothered to ask me if I want to come or invited me to come. They asked the guy I was close to in front of me if he wants to go but didn't bother to asked me. I mean, I didn't know anything I did for them not to invited me. But I let it pass. I shouldn't be overly sensitive with those things.

Although it bothered me for the next days, I became a little paranoid that they might not like me and they would be talking about me behind me, I still stayed. I actually like our trainer. She's really cool and all. We're in the same circle at some point. But there came a time wherein my trainer and the other girls are talking about something I wasn't aware. That's when I realize that they're actually talking outside work. I didn't know if they went out or something but dang. I just laugh about it now but.. yeah. I wasn't invited again.

I still stayed.

Until it was all very toxic in a way that there's also workplace politics. They seem to have something to contribute to everyday discussions and I don't. I felt like I was slowly falling apart. Waking up at 4am in the morning became really hard and I was just dragging myself throughout the day. After receiving my first salary, I quit. I went AWOL again. And I wasn't proud of that, for the second time.

I kept myself hidden for a little while, making me go back to the way I was.

I decided to give another try to the creative industry. I went back to organizing gigs and the launching was successful. I became busy with helping others for their passion projects and my own. I wasn't earning anything, honestly, but I was happy. But I can't just work and not help pay the bills, so I did a few side jobs. 

Luckily, I realized that I can actually monetize my blog in small ways. Then a few side jobs and errands. It became like that for almost two years. But 2017 came hard on me like a hurricane. I decided to find a stable work, but the one that I can just stay at home.

I was used to being just the normal employee, the normal girl who works for them that whenever my boss will tell me that my work is fantastic or that it's good, I feel like I was floating or something. I started working for this Publishing Company based in US last November. I have been working with them since then, although I have been inactive for most of the times that I didn't reached the quote.

But my boss still commended me for my job well done. She always compliments me for the work I was passing and I was being more and more motivated. There's a few sleepless nights that I gladly endure because I want to deliver great result.

But my body can just take too much. The stress for the whole year, too much thinking and the accumulated working and dedicating time for side jobs and stuff took its toll on me. I was sick for a few days. Fever, flu, runny nose, frequent headache and even vomiting. It stretched to a few days and I didn't realize that I haven't told my boss about it.

I love working for them because of these things:

1. No hierarchy. Everyone can talk to anyone in the chat group. No one would feel like they're just employees so they cannot talk to the higher bosses. No, that was far from it. Everyone can interact at each other.

2. They always remind us that we can just tell them or approach them if we have questions or if we need to know something or if we're confused regarding a certain detail. They are so dang approachable and they are easy to talk to!

3. Did I say my boss always tells me that my work is good? I mean, not just to me, but I see them praise other employees about their work. Of course, if there are shortcomings, they say it in a nice way and they will most probably give an advice or suggestions!

4. The company isn't thinking of the working time that the employees are doing their tasks, what's important for them is the input. Which is like, my favorite thing!

So I really really really love working for them!

I was a little scared in sending an email telling my boss everything about my ordeal. But I was surprised when she told me that she's really happy that I sent her an email and she's really sad and apologetic that I was sick. We talked over email and I went back to the group chat of the company. Dang, I really love working with them and I will be really devastated if it happened that they won't give me another chance.

Right then, she told me that she's actually going to offer me a higher job position in the company.

My jaw dropped when I read it. Like.. I just came back, and I was new. Why?

She told me that my work came strong and the content department liked my work. And that they are actually talking about me and how good my work is. Wow. I have never been this complemented genuinely. I was ecstatic.

They are all nice and with or without promotion, I am still lucky!

All of the feelings of being neglected and unappreciated just felt like the stepping stone for me to reach this point. I became more determined and inspired. I will be trained to train others and I promise to be like my current boss, always encouraging rather than low blow the employees.

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