How I started sleeping longer again without overthinking.

Something happened to me a few weeks ago. I wasn't sleeping, or if I do, I'd only sleep 1 to two hours a day, I don't have the urge to eat, I was just existing and I don't know what I should do. I was sad and lonely, I was overthinking things. I got it bad, and the worse of it is that I know exactly why it was happening. Someone from the past came back into my life, and no matter how hard I fought the idea of letting that person in, I have no control of my feelings. I used to be so sensible and I always think of the consequences I'll bear before doing action but I was in over my head.

I had to stop my panic attacks, overthinking and anxiety and the only way I think of is to just stop fighting my feelings and just gave in. So I did. And boy, I feel like something heavy inside me was lifted and I was doing and feeling better. I started doing the things I want to do with that person, and the more I go on, the more questions started to pop up. But I don't want to go back to what I was before, so I decided to just do whatever I want.

I decided to ask the questions I want to ask, say what I want to say, do whatever the hell I want not thinking of what the outcome will be.

If questions are answered and I didn't like them, I made peace with it. Do I think the answer is a lie? Yes. But do I have to do anything about it? No. Besides, I wasn't the one lying. I was being lied to, yes, but I am aware, and I don't need to keep on insisting that it was a lie while the person insists that it's not. I just let it happen.

It sounded toxic, but it's what kept me sleeping at night. I don't demand things. No good morning messages? No good night texts? Don't update me? Lying to me? Whatever. Do what you want. 

I stopped caring so much that I feel so free of unwanted emotions and feelings. I just care enough to go on.

I know this wasn't easy, and I was able to do it because I feel like I'm so done, and the only thing hanging in is my heart, which I know will also give up soon.

The art of stopping overthinking is to stop the what-ifs. So go ahead, ask that question, say what you want to say, let things happen without expecting or demanding. Make peace with how people treat you and just be done with it once you feel like it. Sleep longer at night.

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  1. I hope you're feeling better now. I agree with letting things be but hopefully it wouldn't come to a point that you're being disrespected by that person. Love lots and stay safe <3

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